I have been a royal pain in the &ss to every one that knows me for the last few weeks. I don’t really know what is wrong with me other than simple life stresses starting to ware me out. I am just so tired all of the time… I slept for 13 hours last night and I am exhausted this morning at the thought of another day and week staring me in the face.
I thought that I had all of this handled but it keeps creeping back up on me.
I feel so manic all of the time, I can start the day out sick to my stomach I am so tired, swing up to feeling that I could take on an army in the afternoon and then plummet into the depths of despair by dinner time. I have tried mixing up my diet, not drinking any alcohol, quitting coffee, exercising, not exercising… everything that I can think of.
I think that the thing that bothers me the most is that when I am on top of my game I am really on top of it. I mean, I am freaking amazing in the amount of stuff that I can get done and the people that I can motivate and the life that I can lead. I want to be that way all of the time no matter what but I can’t seem to break the code.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
The People I Left Behind...
I am finally coming to a place where I think that it is time for me to make contact with the people of my past. Some I have hurt some have hurt me. Some I have let down, some have let me down. Some of them I simply left in the lurch with no real answer to why I fell of the face off the earth.
When I look back over my short life of 25 years I see that I have been really quite restless and that, I believe, is why I have done so many things that were so reckless. Most large decisions in my life to date were made a point of total and complete desperation… I had to do something.
I am trying not to run any more, I am trying not to make decisions in desperation any more. My life is becoming more and more on purpose, I still find that I am moving in a state of restlessness most days. I don’t know why exactly, but I feel restless all of the time.
Anyway, back to the point.
It is time to contact some people that have been very important to me in the past but I have lost touch with and simply say that I am sorry if I caused them any pain, regret or disappointment. I don’t need a restored relationship, all I really need and want is peace of mind knowing that I have made things as right as I can with our current circumstances.
What has been done has been done. If you are one of these people, you know who you are, please accept this blog entry as a formal “I am so sorry if I hurt you” letter from my heart to yours. Please forgive me.
If you want, you can contact me… you can email me through the “Profile” links to the right.
When I look back over my short life of 25 years I see that I have been really quite restless and that, I believe, is why I have done so many things that were so reckless. Most large decisions in my life to date were made a point of total and complete desperation… I had to do something.
I am trying not to run any more, I am trying not to make decisions in desperation any more. My life is becoming more and more on purpose, I still find that I am moving in a state of restlessness most days. I don’t know why exactly, but I feel restless all of the time.
Anyway, back to the point.
It is time to contact some people that have been very important to me in the past but I have lost touch with and simply say that I am sorry if I caused them any pain, regret or disappointment. I don’t need a restored relationship, all I really need and want is peace of mind knowing that I have made things as right as I can with our current circumstances.
What has been done has been done. If you are one of these people, you know who you are, please accept this blog entry as a formal “I am so sorry if I hurt you” letter from my heart to yours. Please forgive me.
If you want, you can contact me… you can email me through the “Profile” links to the right.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Business
Business is hard. Some weeks I feel like I am on top of my game and no one could stop me. Others, I function like a total looser.
I guess that is the curse that I have bought into by being in the Sales and Marketing world every day of my life... sometimes the numbers stack up in my favor and sometimes I cannot get a sale to save my life, the old numbers game.
Right now I have over 140k in outstanding bids and cannot seem to get any of them off the fence. What is the deal? Some say we are in a recession but can that stop me from working and at least trying to make sales? The Answer is no, all it really means is that I have to work harder than I should have to for less money at the end of the tunnel!
Why can't I break the code and have abundance in my life when it comes to financial success? I work harder, smarter and am more dedicated and committed than 99% of the people that I know. I have positioned myself in such a way to maximize the potential of my efforts (i.e the more leads and sales that I get the more money that I can make... the sky is truly the limit)! What is the challenge here? Am I simply cursed to spend my life in toil and un-fruitful labor? If so I wish that someone would just tell me so I can stop dreaming of the day when I can perhaps spend my life's energy pursuing something other that paying bills and maintaining a positive bank balance!
Oh well, I guess the bottom line is that I will keep working and keep trying and maybe, just maybe, it will pay off down the road.
I guess that is the curse that I have bought into by being in the Sales and Marketing world every day of my life... sometimes the numbers stack up in my favor and sometimes I cannot get a sale to save my life, the old numbers game.
Right now I have over 140k in outstanding bids and cannot seem to get any of them off the fence. What is the deal? Some say we are in a recession but can that stop me from working and at least trying to make sales? The Answer is no, all it really means is that I have to work harder than I should have to for less money at the end of the tunnel!
Why can't I break the code and have abundance in my life when it comes to financial success? I work harder, smarter and am more dedicated and committed than 99% of the people that I know. I have positioned myself in such a way to maximize the potential of my efforts (i.e the more leads and sales that I get the more money that I can make... the sky is truly the limit)! What is the challenge here? Am I simply cursed to spend my life in toil and un-fruitful labor? If so I wish that someone would just tell me so I can stop dreaming of the day when I can perhaps spend my life's energy pursuing something other that paying bills and maintaining a positive bank balance!
Oh well, I guess the bottom line is that I will keep working and keep trying and maybe, just maybe, it will pay off down the road.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
My So-Called "Mentors"
i woke this morning thinking about all those people in my life who, over the past few years, have become more and more distant. i do not know what the challenge is really. i know that many, many people disagree with my spiritual perspectives, convictions and practices. But, what i don't understand is that despite my continued asking and pleading, none of the so called "mentors" in my life will honestly come to me and help me see the "err" of my ways.
All everyone wants to do is tell me that they think that i am wrong and that i am not in line with the God of the Bible but they refuse to come to me and actually help me see where i am wrong and what i should change!
i know that i can be abrasive and seem overly confrontational but those weaknesses should not stop those that truly love me from coming to me and helping me to serve God in truth.
i am sick and tired of hearing third and fourth hand that people i love and care about disagree passionately with my lifestyle but don't have the courage to come to me and discus the issues they have with me like an adult. (i am not a monster!)
If you are reading this and you are one of those people please, please, i am on my knees begging you to act like the follower of Christ that you claim to be and help your brother to see the way. i apologize in advance if your feelings get hurt in the interaction with me, for everything that i believe, i believe for what i think is true biblical reasoning and i am passionate about following the Lord Jesus Christ. So i may get a little uptight when we talk about our faiths because it is of paramount importance to me that we know and live by the truth.
All everyone wants to do is tell me that they think that i am wrong and that i am not in line with the God of the Bible but they refuse to come to me and actually help me see where i am wrong and what i should change!
i know that i can be abrasive and seem overly confrontational but those weaknesses should not stop those that truly love me from coming to me and helping me to serve God in truth.
i am sick and tired of hearing third and fourth hand that people i love and care about disagree passionately with my lifestyle but don't have the courage to come to me and discus the issues they have with me like an adult. (i am not a monster!)
If you are reading this and you are one of those people please, please, i am on my knees begging you to act like the follower of Christ that you claim to be and help your brother to see the way. i apologize in advance if your feelings get hurt in the interaction with me, for everything that i believe, i believe for what i think is true biblical reasoning and i am passionate about following the Lord Jesus Christ. So i may get a little uptight when we talk about our faiths because it is of paramount importance to me that we know and live by the truth.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Our Current State
A man that has lost an eye or was born blind will spend his entire life mourning his loss and cursing his fate. No man that has two functioning eyes spends his life in dismay over the fact that he doesn't have three…. This shows that we (humanity) have fallen from some higher state of perfection, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
If we, somewhere in our subconscious nature had never known perfection we would not mourn its loss or our current imperfections.
If we, somewhere in our subconscious nature had never known perfection we would not mourn its loss or our current imperfections.
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