B-Day Thoughts

Today I turn 25... Still so young! Most days I feel twice my age for some reason. i am not saying that i am more mature... just more stressed out than most of my contemporaries. i am not really sure why, other other than the fact that i try more and fail more than the average Joe.

i don't know why i do it to myself really, for some reason i feel like if i am not bighting off more than i can chew on a regular basis than i am not going to ever get ahead of the pack. Maybe i have some sort of sick need to prove to myself that i can land on my feet time after time.

Anyway, my b-day is always a time that i feel weird because people around me want me to feel good and happy about myself and all i do is feel like crap all day because i end up looking at my life and thinking about how much farther down the road i should be if were who i want to be.

i certainly don't feel that i deserve any praise or respect for where i have gotten. That is not to say that i am behind.... i am just not as far ahead of the pack as i feel i should be given the opportunities and relationships that i have been blessed with in my life.

People like my Grandfather, who taught me the spirit of entrepreneurship at a very young age. And my many "pastors" who poured themselves into me counting on me to carry on in advancing the Kingdom of God. And my wife who continually encourages and supports me in everything that i do (and has been doing this for since we were like 14!) My daughters who remind me how great life is every time i look at them. My best friend who has always been right there for me through thick and thin even when i did not do the same for him. My parents who have raised me and taught me so many of life's essentials (not to mention feeding, clothing and otherwise providing for me for 18 long years!)

So many people to appreciate who have supported and helped me and this is all i did with it in 25 years of life?

If you know any of these people you will understand why i beat myself up a little every time i think about it. With these people as a support network i should have conquered the world by now!